Castle of Sand

Part Two



Father watched his son warily. Something had been genuinely wrong with Vincent these past few days. He had carried it off well, but Father knew when his son was hiding something, and knew when he became a little tattered around the edges. Father had seen it before, and he knew the signs. Vincent was having one of his guilt trips and these such trips usually involved Catherine.
As he watched Vincent idly flicking through a book, obviously not concentrating on what the words before him were saying, Father tested the atmosphere, with a gentle question, “I’ve not seen Catherine for a day or two Vincent, is she well?”
Vincent looked up, pinning Father with his piercing blue eyes, before replying softly, “I’ve not seen her either, Father.”
It was an answer set to throw him off the scent, but Father persisted, “Will you be seeing her tonight?”
“No.” the short curt reply, had Father cautioned. Nonetheless, he had seen his son like this before, usually a few direct hit questions solved the problem, helped Vincent get everything back into perspective, and ready to move ahead once more.
“Then when will you be seeing her?”
Vincent’s intense blue eyes misted over, his lips mouthed words that Father was unable to decipher, until a low moan escaped the younger man’s mouth, and tears started to fall.
Father rose from his chair, and hobbled over to his son’s side, placing a hand upon his shoulder, “What is it Vincent?” he asked concerned, “Please tell me, I’d like to help if I can.”
Vincent shuddered, “Nothing you can say will help Father. Catherine and I are.... finished. The dream has ended.” a ragged sigh escaped Vincent, as he turned to rub his cheek against Father’s hand upon his shoulder.
“By whose admission Vincent. Your own or Catherine’s.” Father felt anger rising within him, he had always known it would come to this, but he had begun to hope that Catherine would prove him wrong.
“Its not what you think.” Vincent turned tear filled eyes to his father, “Catherine begged me to let her stay, but Father, she has a life, Above,” his voice rose, only to fall again to a mere whisper, “with me she has no such life.”
Father’s heart went out to his son, “What did you say to her Vincent?”
Another ragged sigh left Vincent’s lips, as he began, “I finally convinced her that there was no future for us Father.”
“And she believed you!” Father was stunned.
“Eventually.” Vincent spoke softly, his heart breaking. “It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do, making her believe me.” he told Father.
“I can’t believe she accepted them Vincent. Catherine loves you.” Father was stunned to say the least.
“And I love Catherine. But Father what we have is just a dream, it could never work, Catherine has a life to lead, and she is wasting her time with me.”
“Shouldn’t you let Catherine be the judge of that Vincent.” Father told him softly.
“Catherine sees things through a haze of love Father. Once she has had time to stand back and view the situation as it stands, she will see that I am right.”
“And do you believe you are right Vincent?”
“No”, the word came out on a hiss, “but I cannot allow her to spend her time down here with me, when Above she has so much to live for.”
“Without you Vincent, Catherine would have had no life at all.”
“This I do know, and I believe, I rescued her for a purpose. This great love was never meant to develop between us Father. Catherine was to recover and move on, forget about me, and she would have, but for our connection.”
“Arh yes, the connection, that wonderful Bond that ties your destinies together.” Father sighed, “Vincent when are you ever going to learn that such a gift is not meant to be severed, can never be severed. Vincent you and Catherine were made for each other.”
Vincent stared wide eyed at his father, “Yet I cannot believe that.” he whispered.
“Then you are a fool!” it was the first time, Father had been so outspoken, and Vincent was stunned, his intense blue eyes holding Father’s own, trying to understand from where such a declaration had come.
Father was immediately remorseful, “Vincent I’m sorry, forgive me.”
“You spoke from the heart Father.”
“Yes, but it was cruelly said , I could have put it a lot more tactful than I did.”
“Whichever way its said the meaning is the same. Are you telling me I was wrong to send Catherine away, Father?”
“I don’t believe you could ever send Catherine away, I think she will find her way back here sooner or later, dismissing your reasons entirely. She will if she has any sense.”
“She’s already done so Father.”
Jacob Wells was stunned, “And you sent her away again?”
“Yes.”
“Oh Vincent how could you?”
“Father, Catherine has a life to live and it could never be with me. I know I am unhappy without her, but I rejoice that she is now seeking the life for which she was born. In time all of you will see it was for the best.”
Father sighed. “”I don’t know Vincent. In one way I’m proud of your strength to set her free holding the belief that you have, but Vincent at what cost will it be to you, to the both of you?”
“It hurts Father, but in time this will lessen.”
“I don’t think so Vincent. If nothing else your emphatic connection will hinder the healing process. I fear for you, really I do.”
“It is a problem Father, but I have closed off the Bond. Catherine is suffering too, and I find I can only just bear my own pain.”
Father nodded, reaching now for Vincent’s hands, and he turned to stand in front of him.
“Sit down Father, standing like that will make your back ache. Here, I’ll draw my chair closer to your own.”
Father was touched by his son’s thoughtfulness, and stepped back to take up his own seat gratefully, watching as Vincent stood up to bring his own chair closer. Father took up his son’s hands once again within his own, “I still can’t believe that Catherine has accepted it is over between you, she really loves you Vincent, and this love that you have has warmed all of us, I had begun to hope....well let’s just say I had hoped that you and Catherine would be happy together. Yet while you maintain this belief...”
Vincent scrutinised his father, trying to read between the lines, just what exactly had Jacob Wells hoped for between himself and Catherine, asking eventually, “This belief Father?”
“Yes the one that you maintain that Catherine would be better off back in her own world, while this stands between you Vincent, your relationship would forever be held back.”
“This I know Father.”
“And Catherine, does she know of it?”
“In the past, whenever I brought it up, she has never seen it, she believed that she could alter my mind, make me see things her way. This time it was different.”
“How different?” Father’s kindly eyes searched those of his son’s, watching as they filled with sorrow, and Vincent hung his head, his curtain of hair hiding his features, so that Father could not see the fresh flow of tears, that were evident in his speech as he whispered. “A new man started work at the D.A’s office, Catherine was attracted to him.”
“And so you thought she should pursue her heart’s desire and have a relationship with him did you?”
Vincent felt slapped, exclaiming, “Father!” his eyes rose to hold the older man’s gaze once again.
“Well did you?” Father asked again.
“Not in so many words.” Vincent murmured quietly.
“Okay, maybe you didn’t expect her to start seeing this new man, but you did expect that she should be free to pursue whatever is open to her, and that you were only getting in the way, am I right?”
Vincent stared open mouthed at his father, as words failed him.
Father went on, “And I suppose you used the old cliché...’if our paths had not crossed’, eh?”
Vincent nodded, mortified.
Father continued gently, “Vincent, if Margaret’s path had not crossed mine that sunny day, look what happiness I would have missed.”
“And what bitterness Father.”
Father nodded, “True, but Vincent, the happiness, no matter how brief, far outweighed the bitterness. And I don’t regret a moment of it. And if my path had not crossed Grace’s that night, Devin would never have been born, this world as we know it, may never have come to be, and you dear Vincent could have ended up in the hands of John Pater.”
Vincent winced, as Father continued, “When someone crosses another’s path Vincent, it is almost certainly for the good.”
“But other men are always crossing Catherine’s path, Father. I am only in the way.”
“No Vincent, you are wrong, Catherine is a very beautiful and wealthy young woman, and there will always be men aware of that fact. But Vincent, it is your path that she crossed, long before she came to know all those who hold a candle for her now, and it is you that she wants to be with Vincent. You, not them.”
“What are you saying Father?” Vincent asked the same question as before, wording it differently, “Have I made a mistake in forcing Catherine out of my life?”
“I’m not saying anything Vincent, you are the one that seems to have all the answers.”
Vincent growled, and jumped to his feet to begin his usual relentless pacing, as he always did when he was seeking answers, “How can you say that, I thought you were trying to help me.”
Father watched him warily, wishing his son would sit back down, “I would love to help you Vincent but in the end you are the only one that can make the right decision.”
“I thought I had made it.” Vincent told him sharply.
“And now?”
Vincent sighed, flopping his body back down again and leaning his weary head against the wing of the chair, before speaking, “Nothing has changed Father. I could still never offer Catherine what she needs, and try as I might to deny it, she is entitled to that kind of love, wherever she may find it.”
“But at what cost Vincent. Will she be any happier with a man who can love her intimately, than with a man who believed he couldn’t?”
Vincent winced, before whispering, “I believe that she can”, he hated to say it, to even to think it, but this was all it was about after all wasn’t it?
For long moments Father stared at Vincent, finally resigning himself to the fact, “Its going to be hard on you Vincent. It won’t be a passing thing, like the chaff blown by the wind, gone in an instance. No, what the two of you shared was very special and it might take years before the pain subsides. Are you prepared for that Vincent?”
Vincent shook his head, “I think I will always feel this way, there will never be another chance for me, and if there were, I would want no one but Catherine. Every day that we have been together has been a bonus, I took each day as it came, not asking for any other, revelling in the glory of having Catherine close. But time is slipping by Father, and if Catherine continues to stay with me, I am depriving her of all that could be attainable for her.”
Father shook his head sadly, prompting Vincent to ask, “What?”
“I think you have made a wrong move, Vincent, no, let me finish,” he held up a hand as Vincent attempted to interrupt, “ I know what you are saying, truly I do, and I’ve seen you fight this for so long, so believe me I do understand how you feel.
Yes, Vincent, Catherine does have a life Above that doesn’t include you. But Vincent we can all push others out of our lives believing that they would be better off without us, we can all put ourselves down when it comes to convincing ourselves that we have prevented another from pursuing the life they were destined for. Yet Vincent we have to stop and think and ask ourselves whether that person cares about those things any longer.
Look, take that friend of Catherine’s, Nancy, she aspired to be a great photographer, had the chance to go to Paris to further her dream, but instead she met a man, fell in love, and raised his children instead. She never became that photographer Vincent, but yet, she is happy.”
“Yet Catherine told me that from time to time Nancy hankers over what she let slip by, she has regrets Father, if she hadn’t of met her husband she would have fulfilled her ambitions.”
“Fair point Vincent, but you know love is a very strange trap. Once it grabs us it alters our opinions about a lot of things.
In many respects it makes one wonder if freedom of choice is just an illusion.
One starts out with great ambitions, maybe having a talent that can make one a fortune, a flair for something that if used correctly can bring much happiness to others, and then along comes love, and bang! Every belief, every hope, every ambition, bites the dust. And it doesn’t matter anymore, because one changes direction, sees life anew, wants different things. And to let go of that love, and pursue all the old dreams, would never be the same Vincent, because it has lost its gloss, because it was attained at a price. The price of love.” Father patted his son’s hand, “Vincent many’s the time a love like that doesn’t cross one’s path again, one finds only secondary love, and the happiness we have is not as great, or as all consuming or as fulfilling as the love that we lost, and we will never find it again Vincent, not even if we searched the whole world over.”
Vincent was nodding, “For me, that is the truth. I will never find another who will replace Catherine in my heart, but I still cannot believe that being with me, Catherine will never regret what she gave up. She has to try Father, don’t you see that, please understand, if she doesn’t try she will always have regrets.”
“And what Vincent, if she should try, and finds already that the gloss has gone. Maybe, it is already too late Vincent. In many respects it was too late from the moment you carried her down here in the beginning. Catherine is in love with you Vincent, as you are with her.”
“No Father, the love I have for Catherine is different to the love she feels for me.”
“I don’t think so Vincent.”
“It is.”
Father’s sapphire blue eyes penetrated Vincent’s of china blue, almost as if he could see into his soul, Vincent looked away as Father told him gently, “If you believe that Vincent, then you are lying to yourself. You forget Vincent, I know you, and I was there when you desired Lisa.”
Vincent groaned, trying to shut out Father’s further words with hands held over his ears, “Shutting it out won’t be of any use, Vincent.” Father continued reaching for his son’s hands, “Whether you hear me out or not, because deep down inside you know yourself that you do have the ability to desire a woman, only you chose to keep this knowledge from yourself, and sadly from Catherine.”
“I hurt Lisa” Vincent mumbled softly.
“Yes Vincent, and throughout life we all get hurt, we hurt right up until the time, someone comes along and erases that hurt, and then the pain of the past subsides.”
“Yet even with loving Catherine, I have never forgotten that I hurt Lisa.”
“Because you let the fear over-ride, and sully the love you could have with Catherine. You have to put it behind you Vincent. Even Lisa forgave you, can you do no less for yourself, even at the cost to your own happiness?”
“If I was not as I am, I would want nothing more than to expect to be happy, and have a life with Catherine.”
“If you were not as you are Vincent, I doubt you would ever have the chance, with Catherine I mean. Catherine has offered you her love simply because she loves everything about you, you are unique and she loves those things. I firmly believe that bringing happiness to you, makes her happy, It is a twofold cord and she is willing to sacrifice all she has ever yearned, just to gain the ultimate prize.”
Suddenly, Vincent didn’t know what to think. There had been a lot of logic in Father’s words, but he still firmly believed that Catherine’s life was Above, without him.
“You still aren’t convinced are you Vincent?” Father asked him thoughtfully, “How long will you continue to punish yourself?”
“For as long as it takes for Catherine to make a life for herself, Father. This twofold cord acts my way too. I could never foresee Catherine giving up everything Above for me. And if she should find happiness without me, with some other man, if she brings into the world the children that were destined to be born, then I too shall be happy Father. For then, and only then will I know for a certainty that Catherine is leading the life she was born for.”
Father could only shake his head sadly, Vincent was wrong, he knew it, but making Vincent see it was something else. Perhaps, in time the younger man would think on their conversation, his words of counsel, and see the truth as it lay before him. The Bond was a very definite indication that Vincent and Catherine’s destinies were linked, and Vincent only had to believe it.
“I’ll be here for you Vincent, if ever you need to talk.” Father told him softly, “And you will want to do believe me, its a long and difficult journey you have set yourself upon Vincent, and my heart goes out to you, and to Catherine. I can only say that I hope it turns out well for the both of you, whatever you both desire.”
“Thank you Father.” Vincent stood, and placed a warm kiss upon the older man’s whiskered cheek, as Father gazed at him with concern
“Will you be going out this evening Vincent?”
Vincent shook his head, “No, I don’t think so, I couldn’t bear to go Above just yet.”
Father nodded, “Then if you are at a loose end, come sit with me, eh, we don’t have to talk or play chess, just being in one another’s company would be nice, reading perhaps.”
Vincent nodded, “I’ll think about it Father, though I am tired, I thought an early night might do me good.”
Father nodded, watching as his son walked from the chamber, no doubt an early night would indeed, do Vincent good, but it would be a long time before sleep would claim him, this Father did know.
In fact it would be a long time before Vincent were his old self again, and then that would only come about if he let Catherine back onto his life.
Father brushed away a fallen tear, love was never a smooth ride, why was that?
Why did the one thing that brought such happiness, always have pain galloping behind it?
Father shook his head, none of it had ever made any sense to him.

*** *** ***


“So what gives, Radcliffe?” Joe took hold of Catherine’s arm, the moment she slid into the front passenger seat, as he waited for her outside her apartment building.
Catherine attempted a smile, one which didn’t quite reach her eyes something Joe was quick to notice, and trying to sound braver than she felt Catherine told him, “Like I said, I could do with a friend right now.”
Joe looked at her, really looked, almost as if he would see inside her head, he told her, “This isn’t like you Cathy. Okay, the friendship bit, you know you have that, have always had that, but its what you are implying that has me baffled. I’m I reading this right?”
“You tell me Joe.” Catherine didn’t like this conversation anymore than he did.
Joe drew in a deep breath, “Care to start from the beginning.” he asked her, looking in his rear-view mirror, as he made to pull away from the curb, indicating, not towards the office, but straight across to the bays alongside the Central Park.
“Where are you going?” Catherine asked, “There’s work to do.”
“There sure is, Radcliffe,” Joe replied, “On you.” he turned off the ignition, “Now how abouts you and I taking a walk through the park, and you filling me in here?”
“Not the park Joe, anywhere but that.” it was too close to Vincent, and Catherine could not bear it.
Exasperated, Joe sighed, “What’s wrong with it. You told me so yourself, that it holds no horrors for you, that you are over all that. Its a great place to walk and talk.”
Catherine shook her head, “I can tell you all you need to know without ever leaving the car, so fire away Joe.” Catherine attempted a half smile.
“You’re not gonna go all weepy on me are you Radcliffe? Hey, I don’t mind offering a shoulder, anytime, but hey, I’d rather it be some place less conspicuous than in my car by the sidewalk.”
At the thought of going weepy, Catherine couldn’t help a tear slide down her cheek, she brushed it away, hurriedly, and was dismayed to find it was followed by another, then another, until they cascaded down her cheeks relentlessly. Despite all Joe had told her, he put his arms around her, at once, giving her his shoulder, patting her back gently, letting her cry. He felt so helpless, he wanted to say something, but didn’t know where to start, not knowing the problem, the cause of her distress. He’d seen Cathy go through some awful times, but few of them had rendered her to tears, save for the time her father had died, but even then, he’d seen her stand strong, ready for work within days of his death. So whatever had reduced her to tears this time had to be something more important than that, and what could be more important than the death of a parent? Joe could only think of one thing, love. Being in love, having that love thrown back in your face, now that would instigate this kind of a response.
Joe knew that Cathy had had a relationship with some mystery guy for the past three years. Though she said little about him, Joe could tell that she was in love with the guy, her very demeanour had spoken volumes. Perhaps it was over now? And if so, could there be a chance now for him? Was that what she had implied? Joe felt his heart race, filled with hope.
As Catherine quietened, and made to pull out of his arms, Joe let her go steadily, his face wreathed in concern, “If you’d like to talk about it Cathy, you know I’d like to help if I can?” his brown eyes showed signs of sympathy.
Catherine nodded, “The relationship...I was in.” She hesitated, how to go on, that was the problem.
Joe’s heart lifted by that one word, ‘was’ and waited for her to continue, his eyes brighter than before, as hope continued to grow in him.
“There were always problems,” Catherine told him hesitantly, “We were very different, different backgrounds, but I was determined not to let that rule over us, I knew we could make it work....” her voice trailed away, why was she telling Joe all this anyway?
Joe nodded, for the first time offering assistance, “But he thought differently, right?”
“Yes.” Catherine drew in a deep breath, choking back a fresh wave of tears.
“So what happens from here?” Joe asked her gently.
“I learn to live without him, either that or....” she finished lamely, clutching at straws.
“Or?”
“Or, I find a way to make him see that we belong together.”
Joe felt his heart constrict he didn’t really want to hear anymore, but felt compelled to ask, “And how do you think I can help?”
Catherine turned in her seat to face him, “It’s complicated, Joe.”
Joe attempted humour, and laughed softly, “Now why doesn’t that surprise me?”
Smiling, Catherine, told him, “I need your friendship, Joe, you know that” Joe nodded as she continued “but for...” She hesitated, she had never disclosed her beloved’s name to anyone before, and it was hard to do, she wondered if she should fabricate a name, Vincent’s identity needed to remain a secret at all costs, even if Joe wouldn’t know where to locate him. Catherine nodded, deciding on a name, one she’d remember, “Jacob will only believe that we are right for one another, if he is certain I have explored all the other avenues first. You see, Jacob lives in a sort of commune, and if I should become a part of his life permanently, I too, would go to live in that commune, shutting myself away from all that I have ever known. I am happy to do this....” She hiccuped, “but Jacob won’t hear of it.”
Joe nodded, though he didn’t really understand. Cathy living in a commune! Shutting herself off from all she had ever known, what kind of guy was this, and how on earth had she met him? Weren’t those kind of places reserved for the country?
“I get the picture there’s more to this than meets the eye Cathy, and I’m sorry, but this commune thing doesn’t ring true at all, I hope to think that I know you better than that,” he had a sudden thought, “it wouldn’t be witness protection stuff would it? Now that would make more sense”
Catherine’s heart lifted, why hadn’t she thought of that? She nodded, it was perfect, it offered all the secrets that she required, “Yes Joe,” she hated lying to him, but then hadn’t she already? And what else could she do?
Joe nodded thoughtfully, “Then I get the picture, Cathy. Sure, if you are gonna be with this guy, Jacob, you will have to lose your identity to keep up his protection. This Jacob must be some guy though, to offer you freedom, rather than tie you to the vanishing life. So what is it you want to do from here?”
Catherine felt so much better already, more in control. “I need to make Jacob accept that I have explored all the pathways open to me, both with my career and the people that I know. In short, Jacob feels that he would be robbing me of the life I were born for, would prevent me from having the things most people take for granted.”
Joe whistled, “Gee Cathy, this guy must really have gone underground, what did he do? No don’t answer that, its not my place to know, sorry, please continue.”
Catherine smiled, the reference to underground making it so, Joe didn’t know how close to the truth he was there.
“Jacob wishes me to have a normal life. He set me free to pursue that normal life, to meet a man who can give me all the things I am used to, who can partner me in my heart’s desire.”
“Except he’s your heart’s desire, and he can’t see it, right?” Joe asked.
Catherine nodded, “I love him Joe.” the tears be-dimming her eyes once again, and her lips trembling as she went on, “I want to spend my life with him. I have to make him see that I have explored all the avenues, and prove that none make me happy the way that he makes me happy.”
Joe shuffled in his seat, things beginning to drop into a place, that he didn’t much care for, “So let me get this right. Those things you implied back in your apartment, when I rang this morning and spoke about Daniel, if I’m correct, that makes me a scapegoat, right?”
“I know I’m asking a lot, Joe, but Jacob knows about you, about Elliot, and Daniel. He feels I might have a future with any one of you, or someone else, I have to prove to him that’s not so.”
“Cathy!”, Joe warned her off, holding up his hands and backing away a little, “I can’t believe you would trifle with other people’s affections like that, if I hadn’t of heard you with my own ears. Let me get this straight. You want to date me, and Daniel, and Elliot, and anyone else that might come along, just so you can go to this guy and say, ‘I told you so’?”
Catherine nodded, it sounded awful, so she attempted a cheeky smile to lighten the situation. “That’s heavy Radcliffe. And what if, either Dan, Elliot, or myself should get hurt along the way, have you thought about that?”
Catherine nodded, “I have, its what makes the whole thing so much harder to achieve, but Joe, don’t you see, we are all taking a gamble here, what if Jacob is right, what if I am destined to be with someone else?” Catherine shook her head, she couldn’t believe she’s said that. Never could she accept that Vincent might be right, but for Joe it was enough, his eyes lit up, “Hey Radcliffe, maybe he does have a point, and hey, if it gives me and you a chance. Who am I to complain?” He grinned somewhat wickedly. He only meant it good-naturally, Catherine knew that, but it gave her the shivers. To be anything to any other man was abhorrent to her. It was Vincent she wanted. Vincent she hoped to convince. Nonetheless, she found herself agreeing, “So you’ll help?”
“Is that what you meant by getting there ahead of Daniel?”
Catherine nodded, not trusting herself to speak.
“Then that’s great Cathy. You’d really come out with me?”
Again, Catherine nodded, trying to put some feeling into it, though Joe didn’t seem to notice. She had never seen him look so happy, and as he reached forwards and drew her back into his arms to hug her tightly, another tear slipped unwilling down her cheek.

*** *** ***


To be continued in part three